it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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