: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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