You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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