Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
