Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
They took my balls.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
