I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
