the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
