I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
