Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
