Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
