is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
