I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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