8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
