after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
