Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
