I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
