every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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