we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
