everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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