Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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