I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
