well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
