In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
