i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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