I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
