I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
