he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
