i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
