Your mouth is God's brothel.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
that may or may not have been my penis.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
