Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
