I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
