I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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