so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
