Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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