I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
