wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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