just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
