mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
