we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
