I bet he comes in French.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
