i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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