omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
