$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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