I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
