it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
