I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
