you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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