Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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