True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
