Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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