i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
