Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
