i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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