best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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