my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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