Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She needs sedatives and a leash
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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