Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
