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i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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