My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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