Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize