If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
