Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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