If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
