at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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