We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
