Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
