I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
