dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
