I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
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I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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