NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
