I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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