I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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