Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
