It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want to be your penis for a week.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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