if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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