I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
