my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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