alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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