Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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