I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
