Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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