I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
we're so committed to being not committed
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