i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
