clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
