So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
