She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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