Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
