Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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