I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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