Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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