white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
