dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This baby is an asshole
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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